Every girl drones on about how she wants to grow up and be independent: be a doctor or a lawyer or the president. All girls really want is to get married. And have huge diamond rings and gloriously long white dresses. Oh, and did I mention kick-ass cake?
Tonight, I went to see BRIDE WARS with a few of my lit major friends. I’m not sure why we decided to see this film, but it was kind of a girls night out and it seemed appropriate. However, after watching it I sincerely regret that because of its PG rating that more children, girls specifically, will be exposed to the messages condoning iratic, “crazy” female behavior surrounding the marriage culture and social constructions of women. Can you gather this from the trailer?
During the film, I felt myself cringing whenever the main characters Emma and Liv played into the normative social perception of girls and their feelings about marriage (that all girls are designed to dream about marriage since “forever”). While Liv is a lawyer and can drop 20-30 grand on a wedding (10 grand on a Vera Wang dress, which “you alter to fit into, not alter to fit you”), Emma is a middle-school teacher. Oh, but let’s not forget. Apparently Emma has been saving up since she was 16. Both want weddings. The story dwells on the how even a strong bond like that of two girlhood best friends can be ruptured when the girls don’t get their way on wedding day (the “most important day in a girls life”). The wedding planner tells the two brides-to-be that “their whole lives they have been dead,” and that it’s not until “they get married that the truly are awake and alive.” Ironically enough, there is a married couple in the film that is portrayed as completely unhappy and dissatisfied with their relationship (the wife is constantly complaining), and we as an audience never see them having a good time or enjoying each other’s company. Not to mention the attitude toward divorce is blasé and discussed like getting an ipod, something that’s just expected to happen to everyone. Additionally, the single women in the film are pill-popping, and binge eating because they are so depressed that they haven’t found this “happiness,” and are thus seeking to fill the void in themselves, because OBVIOUSLY, not being married means you are not whole. Um, yea. Don’t think so.
Perhaps the movie was supposed to be funny and lighthearted, possibly even a satire of the American wedding industry. Instead, (as this review also agrees) I felt that its’ plot revolved around the negative characteristics that society attributes to women, categorizing feelings like “angry, emotional, sad, and aggressive” as exaggerated, inherently feminine and expected of all women. Two girls try to sabotage each other and embark on a bridal beat-down, demonstrating that they have no self-control. Not once is it entertained that the two women would talk out the issue to resolve it. Of course not. They resort to “extreme” measures like destroying the other’s hair (swaps the hair dye from blonde to blue) or skin (alters the tan to be blood orange instead of hint of bronze). One of the girls’ husbands confesses that he is frightened by her sudden outbursts of anger and “strong feelings,” because they are such a sharp juxtaposition to the dormant and passive, nice woman whom he had gotten accustomed to. The fact that she wasn’t subordinate, or able to be “controlled” as he put it, was alarming to him and meant that he didn’t know her anymore. Message? Women aren’t supposed to do anything “too” anything, and they should stay middle of the road. Example: Too “easy” and you’re a slut, too “conservative” and you’re a prude.
Girls who are fed media like this are already getting the idea that if they are not dreaming about what kind of flowers they want or considering which “Save the Date” invitations are best for their wedding, that something is wrong with them. Lumping the goals and aspirations of all girls into a singular group enforces the misguided notion that all girls want the same thing- a man to marry them. This excludes any girl (i.e. - the working woman, the divorcee, the lesbian) who differs from the “norm,” (and I use that term loosely, since it’s definition is so subjective) and isolates her- causing her to feel inadequate because she cannot identify.
This post is not to bash weddings or people who decide to get married. All I am trying to point out is in a time as confusing as childhood and young adulthood, girls should be encouraged to be independent and value autonomy, not to sell themselves short and settle for what is “expected” of them if they don’t want to. They shouldn’t feel pressured to be something they may not be. BRIDE WARS portrays a very one-demensional, transparent girl/woman and I believe that all women should do what they love, and not feel like they have to fit some kind of pre-determined social, hetero-normative, homogenous mold. Everything doesn’t have to be so cookie cutter. And on that note, if it happens to be, that is entirely okay. As long as it is what you are seeking as an individual to make you happy. Bordering on offensive and derogatory, I don’t foresee this film going over well with women at all, on any level.
